3 positive steps that helped me stop comparing myself to others

Do you feel stuck on the comparison carousel and like you can’t get off? If so, you’re not alone!

If you’re anything like me, constantly comparing yourself to others tends to bring up some of these negative effects:

• Burns up your mental energy

• Makes it super-difficult to take action 

• Lowers your self-esteem

Sound familiar? Well, you’re in luck — I’ve learned how to get off the comparison carousel and you can, too! 

Comparison isn’t called the “thief of joy” for nothing. Learn 3 ways to help you:

• Say goodbye to that motivation killer and confidence crusher.

• Say hello to the freedom and fun that comes when you say, “No thanks, that’s enough for me, I want off this ride."

Want to know one of my favorite things to remind myself when I’m stuck in the comparison loop? Comparison is a pointless act because there are just too many factors. 

Say you’re learning how to ice skate and judging yourself against the girl across the rink.

She’s different from you in a thousand tiny ways — just like we all are! Maybe she started skating in preschool, logged thousands of hours of practice already, and who knows, maybe isn’t very good at some of the things that you do well.

Sure, you can compare two apples growing on a tree beside each other and decide that one looks tastier because it’s shinier and bigger. The point is, apples aren't humans. You have a way larger list of ways that make you different from others. 

The more you begin to focus on all the things that make you different from that other person, the harder it becomes to make an “accurate” and fair comparison between the two of you — and the whole attempt begins to look, well, pointless. 

When you compare, you’re usually focused on the ways you think you don’t measure up. Try flipping the script! 

Make a list of the things you're good at, that make you unique. Note how this makes you feel. Instead of feeling gloomy and hanging your head in shame, you may start to feel proud and feel as it your world has opened up. 

If you find it hard to name your strengths, you might want to try: 

• Reflecting on your past accomplishments 

• Taking a personality test

• Asking friends or family what they appreciate about you

When you name your strengths you may start to realize, “Hey, when I look at my entire person, maybe I’m not so bad after all.” Playing the comparison game starts to look less appealing and more — oh what’s that again? — yep, pointless. 

We all have those things we secretly wish we were good at. We all have those people we secretly envy because they seem to have it all together.  

Make an effort to become aware of your unique triggers. Then you’ll feel more prepared when they pop up. 

And next time, try this tip: when you start thinking “She’s so much better than me,” practice reframing it to “I’m having the thought that she’s so much better than me.” 

It might not sound that different, but in doing this, you’re learning to “step outside” of your thoughts.

Remember, your thoughts aren’t facts. You have the power to observe your thoughts as something separate from you that you can choose to listen to or not. 

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

So what helped me stop the cycle of comparison? Identifying my differences, naming my strengths, and re-framing my negative thoughts turned out to be really helpful for me — and these suggestions will likely help you, too.

Accept that it's normal to want to compare yourself to others, but you have the choice to hop off the comparison carousel. These steps will help you exercise that choice: